“I don’t have trauma and ChatGPT calms my anxiety, so why would I go to therapy?”
- kristenhydes
- 7 days ago
- 3 min read
You’re watching stand up comedy and the comedian is referencing their therapist.
You’re reading a novel and the main character is in therapy.
Your group chat is blowing up and one of your friends is saying how her therapist saved her marriage.
It seems like everyone is going to therapy, everyone has the best therapist, and you just don’t get it. You start asking yourself, “should I be in therapy?” and then quickly do an inventory of your life, shrug your shoulders and say “it wasn’t THAT bad”. I have sat across from many clients who feel they aren’t worthy of therapy, which reinforces the idea that therapy is only for those who are broken. When clients share this mindset, I remind them of the concept of ‘comparative suffering’ which is when we evaluate our own pain and compare it to others, often minimizing our experiences.
What if I told you that therapy is a place just for you, and irrespective of what score or scale of pain you carry? What if I told you don’t need to ‘earn’ support?
If you have made it this far, you may be contemplating therapy - I see you and I’ve been there myself. So where to begin?
Finding a therapist: Honestly, this part can feel really exhausting and discouraging. How is it easier to match my dog with a dog walker online then it is to find a therapist I'll vibe with? Maybe one day i’ll make an app, till then, these are my tips:
Website: I can confidently share that I have reviewed hundreds of counselling websites, what I find helps with a match is seeing the person and not only a polished professional profile. What that means is maybe there is a picture of the therapist and their cat, or walking in a favourite trail, or noticing a funky tattoo…when I see human parts of a therapist, it makes me feel safer. Bonus points if there’s a typo on the website.
Voice/tone/affect: Most therapists will provide a free phone consultation - take them up on that offer! In therapy, we often expand our capacity to sit with complex emotions…if your therapist is rushing you along, interjecting, and leaving you more anxious than when you started…it’s important to figure that out at the beginning. A powerful mentorship/piece of advice I received early in my career was the importance of being a grounding presence, and looking at what I needed to do in order to be fully present in sessions with clients.
Intersections of (perceived) similarity: Yes, therapy can be expensive…what can make it feel even more pricey (and frustrating…) is when you are the one educating your therapist. Of course, no one will know your internal world and experiences better than you AND it feels validating AF when someone sits across from you and nods their head and you know…they get it too. Finding a Queer therapist, or a BIPOC therapist or a Muslim therapist may take a little longer, but isn’t impossible. For example, Healing in Colour is a BIPOC therapist database.
Session 1:
Many clients have shared with me the fear of being in a therapy session and sitting in awkward, uncomfortable silence in some weird version of a staring competition. Yes, silence can be a therapeutic intervention AND relying on silence in a first session wouldn’t be trauma informed or neurodivergent friendly. It is less likely that this fear will come true, however, if you notice the therapist is pausing a lot or the silence is uncomfortable you can also provide feedback about that.
After being a therapist for 12+ years, I can share that almost all first sessions FLY by as there are many parts to a first session such as understanding informed consent and limitations of confidentiality. A skilled therapist will often take more of the lead during a first session and allow for the client to be cared for and know what to expect.
What do I want more of in my life?
What do I want less of?
This is a prompt I share with many clients at the end of the year, as it’s connected to visioning and values. Reflecting on these prompts may sparkle something within you that you can bring to your new therapist.
Lastly, know you can walk away if a therapist isn’t a good fit for you - irrespective of how much time or money you have invested. Ending therapy on your terms, can be empowering and healing. I am a therapist who goes to therapy, and I have transitioned from different therapists at different chapters of my life.
If you are ready to begin therapy, you don't have to do it alone! You can email Kristen directly for matching support for a therapist at Kristen Hydes Counselling
